Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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