I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we're making bets on your personal life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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