Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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