i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
