and i looked up. we had an audience...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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