currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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