someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
