Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
its not stalking. its research.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
