we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
