Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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