I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
