i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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