we're blogging at a bar
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
