just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
