I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
