My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
