my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
