is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
