just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The feeling are messing with the penis
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
