where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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