she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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