Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
