yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
