your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
