guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
