Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
