Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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