But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
