Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
