hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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