I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
