I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
