Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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