Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
