Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
