When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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