Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
