Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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