Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
