Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he thought i was a dude.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
