I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
