My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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