chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
