Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
