I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
