yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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