You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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