I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
