She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
