brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
