i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
