doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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