Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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