I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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