He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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