I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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