Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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