I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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