Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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