Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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