She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
