yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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