if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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