So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
