its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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