You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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