My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
