He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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