There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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