you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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