Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
