im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow