the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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