my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
