I have demons in me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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