I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
