FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
