2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
