I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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